The past Sunday I spent few minutes into constituting some of the positive, really inspiring and often side-cornered/overlooked personality traits of mine. And hey presto – I barely perceived that pensiveness as a futile effort to dig deeper into the subconscious confinement of myself, my personality.. the real alter-ego of Pawan – dumped, abandoned, oppressed with repulsive brooding of overcritical diatribe. Oh God – I felt pity on him. Appeared as if a mirror image of myself into the confinement looked at me, smiling at me – conveying the spiritual consciousness that – hey, don’t condemn thyself! You’re a piece of work by God”.
The contemplativeness afforded some knowledge about myself – that I am quite antithesis of much of negatively perceived, over-critically and self-opinionated judgemental viewpoints of mine!
I am a good guy who gives a DAMN to sensitivity of others – after an hour long recollection of the things gone by that involved thoughtful analysis of the flashbacks, I finally received this straightforward conclusion about myself – I may have been the dimwit on prima facie sometimes, but those circumstances which involved me to be the self-opinionated guy in the self-judgemental standpoint of others defined those manners of mine as a spontaneously delivered verbal self-defiance technique against the diatribe/verbal expletives coming from people present in the situations.
For a while, my retort may have sounded a perversely counter-intuitive, socially acceptable mannerism, but anyhow I resorted it in defiance to the wilful presumptuousness of others. While the pensiveness resulted in the realization about the differential standpoint that people tend to hold on to, the same conductively (behaviour-wise) afforded the comprehension of me being a good guy – an individuality that respects, honours, and if needed, tenders the helping hands to the needy.
Romantically self-obsessed to the wilful disobedience of my sombreness – in contrast to the overtly demeanour reflecting an inexplicable mystery of facial sombreness, there always nestles in my heart an absent-mindedly romantic personality driven by the thought impulse of seeking attention of…ahem, company of the damsels – smart & intellectuals!
Theist – against the mainstream conception contradicting existence of divinity or demanding substantiated explanation of the same, me, however, like a headstrong river bound to the sea against all the odds, always nourished the idea of theism until the same translated into a relentlessly obstinate delusion. My attitude about theism doesn’t include the adoration of divinity through monetary offerings, a dip into the holy water and floral tribute at the shrines, it involves seating compassionate thoughts in your heart and a forever FAITH on the unseen Almighty regardless of the fact that his invisibility often feeds the profanes to be a headstrong blasphemous.
Intellectuals – I’d like to be defined as an intellectual guy, not by the verbal eloquence, but by the eloquence of my action – the way I perceive things and act in accordance with the perception. I have observed that I am a deep, contemplative person who tends to observe things closely, somewhat in a manner not acceptable to the discretion of most. My definition of intellectualism doesn’t include being verbose in manner of talking big things, but in understanding the unsaid cues/small matters and reading between the line, understanding gravity of trust and truth.
If this blog of mine represents me as a braggart, so be it. I have my personality and it is my moral responsibility to give it its due honour.
What do you think you feel proud of yourself?