Category: Psychology

Respect when someone means to be respected

I don’t think respect must be given to someone on the impression that he/she is superior to you in a certain way, like in terms of wealth or education. Respect is something that must be earned, and most importantly, I tend to believe that respect is something you should give in the same manner as you receive it from someone else. I might sound little imperious here, as my statement sort of represents a sense of arrogance. In other words, you may feel asking – okay, I get that. You mean to say if someone else is disrespecting me, I should return the favor in the same manner of conduct. Is that right?”

Well, if you ask me this question that would be hard to argue because even I believe that respect is counterproductive when you have given it to someone who has disrespected your respect. According to Gandhian philosophy if someone has hurt you in a way causing you an immense loss of emotional or mental peace, show the person love and kindness instead of your hatred in return of his ill-treatment.

I am not entirely a Gandhian type of guy because I have not the unfathomable gravity of patience like him. In today’s context, if you try to see people and their conduct, you kind of imagine that your way of respecting them would fall on deaf ears as not all of them are considerate enough to appreciate the value of your good-natured treatment. This is because people are driven

This is because people are driven to their own ego, and anything or anyone that may sound or appear hurting their ego in certain way would be treated badly, to an extent of their hatred. I believe that respect should be given to someone when that person really appreciates the virtue of what an honor stands for.

Let me narrate a story…

I was travelling in a bus where one of my fellow passengers was blurting out some godforsaken jibes at the driver, cursing his inability to drive carefully. He was of opinion that if the drive were careful enough to dodge other vehicles hitting the road heading to the same direction as his vehicle, he would probably drive far ahead of them, bringing us closer to our destination.

I could not stand his ill-informed judgment and ventured out my opinion humbly – how can you talk like that? Do you have any idea what you are suggesting? You are suggesting the driver should overtake other vehicles on this busy road fraught with many vehicles? What if the driver lost control on the bus? Do you know the result of it? Instead of appreciating my questions, he snapped at me, asking – “Hey, you speak like a chicken-hearted fellow who

Instead of appreciating my questions, he snapped at me, asking – “Hey, you speak like a chicken-hearted fellow who is scared of the speeding vehicle. I have taken personal enjoyment to witness when a vehicle speeds past other vehicles leaving them far behind. God, it was a sight of utter thrill.”

“So what? It doesn’t mean you should provoke the driver to overtake other vehicles just because you want to head your home in a hurry. Just sit tight and let him do the job.” On being rebuked by me, the passenger seemed to have lost his temper, and in a fit of rage tried to call me by names until the driver himself got up from his driving seat.

Holding the passenger by the collar, a row of slaps landed on both the cheeks of the maniac passenger, sending him into the whirlwind of some other form of thrill. The slaps were accompanied by some cuss words for the passenger which I don’t want to elaborate here, but the point of the whole conversation was that I really lost my respect for that fellow, considering his inability to appreciate the sanity of other fellow passengers.

I honestly believe that you should not demean your respect when the favor of which is not returned in the same etiquette. Well, I won’t force you to be stingy in your manner of respecting other people, but if someone tries to belittle it for some unknown reasons or his madness, it is better to get the drift and follow your way.

New Employment and The Unseen Expectation to Deliver

new employment tension

I was offered a job to manage the team of writers, to ensure delivery of contents is punctual and streamlined.

I truly appreciate this new opportunity. Thanks to divine almighty or my fortune-favorite mascot, I have finally got something that I think is perfectly resonating with my ability to manage team of his relatively less-experienced subordinates, train them how to get along with the (writing) process by showing ways they may have never experienced before.

I understand that when you become a team leader, there is always this unseen expectation from people in your employment. They perceive of you as the enlightened, a capable resource to get ongoing processes streamlined by using his wits and resourcefulness. An individual supposed to innovate things.

Even though you are given this ‘carte blanche (freedom)’ not to act hastily to deliver what’s been expected of you, but still, seized by this strange thought – I get this feeling that my position holds significant ground, something not to be taken lying down. Therefore, those around me, quite expectedly, will show some respect.

But this is not what I meant as the feeling. I sense that I am being watched, expected to deliver, and to say you very frankly, this is the feeling where I find myself somewhat ambivalent as to whether I have enough pluck to stand the volts of the unseen expectation.

What if things slightly go awry? Will I be subjected to howl of official derision?

And if something happens like that, will I be able to shield the prestige and honor of my position from those eyes, now holding my image something like “He’s not the right guy we’d expected” type of reaction.

But aren’t they right, somewhat, or absolutely, subsequent to the mis-performance from my end? This is because people get themselves driven by the feelings what they subjectively deduce from the (kind of) “impression” a source conveys.

From whatever days (just two) I have served in this new organization, I think I have had enough time to get the ins and outs concerning what I am supposed to deliver, according to ‘expectation’.

But if you ask me, it is one thing to understand the process, quite another to deliver, on practical ground. Isn’t it?

But that’s not the point of my concern. I mean to say, these two days are some of the most important days of my career as a writer for the reason, that I have gained experience of something I always thought of ‘impossible’ to materialize.

Indeed, to be a team leader is the most precious privilege I have ever had the honor of witnessing. To lead those of your counterparts with relatively less exposure to writing than that of yours is an opportunity to prove to your inner critique (I’ve been the most brutal critique on myself), that you’ve got something tremendously powerful in you.

What it needs to get up and act is a slight friction and you will see it sparking a blaze!

When I was being offered to lead a team of writers, I was constantly skeptical. I was not trusting my instinct, that this job is going to be okay, considering the years of experience and my relevant exposure to writing. I was not believing that my acquired experience will afford the guts required to lead a team.

I was skeptical not because I thought I couldn’t manage the team, but I felt doubtful because of my zero experience in the job.

Now that I have worked for two days, I came to know of a very common, yet highly unnoticeable fact, that we tend to be afraid (or doubtful) of something we know nothing of. One more thing, I have realized that taking a challenge is indeed a risky venture of pushing your limits quite an inch farther, to test your ability whether it could stand to occasion.

The beauty of this current opportunity is that I am getting disabused of the (preconceived) delusion on myself, that I could not be a leader: a huge mistake caused by negativity that I wittingly kept on feeding, as I was afraid of entering into a new role I acquired no (relevant) experience of.

I fully understand that these two days are no worthwhile, neither can they inflict any positive impression on my Resume (CV), but what I truly believe is the fact that I made a big mistake in the past by not trusting myself, my ability, as a writer. Now that I am in, God willing – the expectation to excel myself is already kicking in. I hope to get better, and better. It’s just matter of time.

The point is, how can you learn swimming if you do not step in water, sometimes swim upstream?

What should you do when you start having doubts about yourself

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Most of us in respective circumstances self-doubt to the point of having our rationality and confidence hamstrung, thereby making us unable to second-view our own latent potentiality of dealing with life’s problems or oddity of circumstances at present.

As a matter of fact, self-doubting is the self-limiting thought of skeptical and hardbitten individuals. These people inadvertently pronounce their dominance over the mindset heavily influenced by the thoughts of cynicism, paranoia and pessimism. These thoughts collectively constitute negative perspective of life in the mind of people.

Yes, self-doubting is a thankless act of self-deprecating your values, which is symbolic of an extremely dangerous contributor behind dampening your confidence, rationality and wittiness essential for engineering a positive and broad perspective about life.

Here are some constructive exercises you can follow to battle bravely against self-doubting yourself.

Seize the urge of committing comparison with others

The phenomenal success that world’s most successful batsman Sachin Tendulkar has achieved through hard works and unwavering commitment to his sports can never be imitated by anyone under high heaven.

That said, the success of a person today is the result of his yesterday’s hard work and his undergoing severity of life’s odds and championing them before clutching the victory under his firm grip.

Such accomplishments may be emulated by you but imitation of the same is foolhardy, considering your comparison with successful persons is a downright effrontery of your own ‘gifted’ talents blessed by divine being.

Do not grade your life with the success of others. Never compare yourself with others.

What people think of you is their problem, not yours

To hell with those trying to belittle your achievement or driving your personality into howl of mockery just because you are true to yourself and your life. Welcoming self-opinionated rhetoric of others into your life will be counterproductive to yours making noble attempt to succeed in life.

People are born with the propensity of criticizing and in most of them, the nature of censoring is just a second-habit. Therefore, if you don’t want to risk failure in life, do not give fodder to the criticism coming from the mouth of naysayers.

Remember, someone’s opinion about you is not your reality until you prove them right.

A life at random affords embarrassment and misery

Perhaps everyone is familiar with the story of “First successful ascent by Tenzing and Hillary” on the Mount Everest. Even I admire their ‘indomitable’ willpower and enthusiasm by which they transpired an unprecedented trek to Nepal’s Sagarmatha, much to the wonderment of the world!

But just think for a while – if the duo had not premeditated Everest-mountaineering in the first place and had some preparatory stuffs readymade beforehand, would have materialized their ascension to the summit of Sagarmatha?

So to say, their purpose was well-planned in advance. They knew the purpose of mountain climbing and were prepared for any eventualit. That’s the reason, I assume, they emerged as the triumphant of their circumstances. They were the captain of their souls.

Most of us blame (this is universal fact) our circumstances as attributive to our current plight without shifting our focus to the shortcomings – laziness, procrastination, timidity and lack of purpose for life.

Most of us are reeling under the sheer burden of these shortcomings but lack the willpower to dispell them away because of our unwanted “affinity” with them. The fact is, so long we cling to our comfort zone until the advent of hardship in life; we never know the danger of living a life purposelessly.

Decide purpose of your life.

Count on your merits/talents

My perspective about life is nobody is devoid of merit of some kinds. But few people possess the ability or power to recognize the concealed merit of theirs. Note down number of merits you think you have in you on a piece of paper. Make a list of them only to realize how fortunate you are having been gifted with these talents!

But you have to trust your merits. You have to make yourself believe that you are really talented and by the virtue of qualities you are endowed with, you will achieve success of dimensional measure. Keep on with this positive-thought-filling practice and see what positive and confidence effects it brings to you.

Believe in God

May be not a welcome suggestion for the agnostic or those holding contrary belief about divinity, but my perspective says if you believe in God with every action of yours and appoint HIM the witness of your sorrow and happiness in every walk of your life, you will experience positivity in your life. That is surely an abstract wisdom but just believe what I am saying. It will work eventually.

But this recommendation will not work if you skeptically believe in divine being, for that is not how divinity works in its entirety. I am not suggesting make a constant presence at shrines and offer obligations to Gods there, but have a GENUINE TRUST in God and believe that HE is leading you to your destined path, unharmed.

Lastly, you feel downcast in life when you accept yourself to be a defeated person. That is the start of ending your life. Nobody stands defeated until he accepts he’s been defeated. Read the following wise quote for more understanding –

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That’s it. Share your viewpoints about life and what do you think one should follow to have a new and positive outlook on their life. I believe anything that happens to our life teaches us one way or other. In the meantime, it is our attitude towards life that defines its existence, positively or negatively, based on our thinking. The way we react to life is the way life reacts to us.

 

 

 

 

Never to naysayers

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A life ensnared in the labyrinth of abysmal despondency actually originates from various contributory sources, and listening to naysayers is one damn potent reason!

You listened to your teachers for being wrong every time you delivered no satisfactory results in exams, you listened to your pretending parents’ highly opinionated preaches of ‘do this and not that’, you listened to gospels of your clerics to fear for god, you listened to your boss for not being out of the box thinkers!

And then this ‘newfangled’ version of you-ness – worn-down and crestfallen out of listening to the naysayers. Then why blame your today’s doleful life when you listened nothing fruitful to your yesterdays? It’s not someone else’s karma. You let it HAPPEN. You invited your misery; you in yourself have created world of despondency.

How can you expect someone’s constant companionship in overcoming your life’s ‘predetermined’ lone battle? Trusted partners, friends or kindred may escort up to certain destinations, then what? Deadend? No! There are further roads to cover, but it is you and you who are lone responsible to cover the rest of your life’s journey, or fight the battle.

Those with the ample power of positivism are often the winner of the odd circumstances, for their tremendously will-powered zeal refused to succumb to the pressing, challenging circumstances. Their thoughts are powerful, mighty enough to swim across the massive English Channel without hesitation!

Being winner of the odd circumstances is not the outcome carried out in jest. It’s the work of never-say-never genius. And such genius never listens to naysayers! They know naysayers are typical critiques, listening to them only define your personality as antithesis of what you are actually made of – zeal-driven for success! Naysayers never recognize your latent potentiality to attain success. They define you as they define themselves – loser!

Don’t you think a criticism of us about others is the confession of our own personality? Take it that way. Naysayers confess their personality to be negatively influenced fellows; therefore, their opinions of you are dismissive.

If Amitabh Bachchan had listened to naysayers’ calling his voice biggest deterrent to his success, he wouldn’t have been the star of millennium of the world today. In fact his photo that he sent to FilmfareMadhuri Contest to join films were turned down from the talent hunt. Did he listen to naysaying of his inner voice or voice of others?

His resounding and widespread success today is more than enough to say – he didn’t listen to naysayers!

THE AIMLESS VISION,FAILURE AND SUCCESS

success quote

When we experience failure in life, there are few of us wise enough to pick up the good lessons from it, while the majority rest their attention on negative side effects of the failure, thinking what happened was the result of some bad lucks or something non-constructive that didn’t work out well.

There are also those blaming the failures out of no reason, for they think it transpired unreasonably.

So, conclusively there is no accounting for taste when it comes to defining or gauging failure, for every failed ones tend to lend their own experiential insight to churn out some meanings cosily conducive to their discretion. By doing so, some attain wise lessons from the failures, while some negatively gauge on the nemesis.

Does that mean there is something wrong with the failure? Does it happening in our life has anything to do with teaching us something worthwhile, or pestering us for no reason?

The problem is not with the failure, but it is when the failed one caves in and gives up on trying further, or mulling over some alternate courses that would possibly create success. Yes, failure teaches us good things in a harsh way, but most of us are so obsessively focused on the bad aspects of the failures, that we almost dont notice the unseen opportunities that the failure bears.

One may say optimistic persons carry the rationale to appreciate the caustic results of the failures, but it doesnt mean to say that everyone of us lacks that level of sagaciousness.

Of course we do have the rationale, but what is the use of having such thing when we barely exercise it at the right time?

Most importantly, what drives us not to appreciate failures?

The problem is also not recognising the opportunities, the problem is our aimless vision, the one crucial factor that singlehandedly ruins our future, for a purposeless life affords no constructive meaning in life, which is why when most of us fail, we fail to pick up the wise lessons the failure tries to give us. It’s like giving up on an almost dead bonfire thinking the fire no longer exists, but inside the rubble and piles of ashes, there is still tiny amber smouldering…good enough to lit up another bonfire!

That’s the problem, failure is not appreciated as we dont dig deeper to its underneath meaning, and it is mostly the result of our aimless vision in life. So long we live purposelessly, failure or success barely matters. As a matter of fact, when we get success, the world will call it stroke of fortunate accident, and when we get failure, the world will call it a poetic justice.

There is no success or failure for a life led by an aimless vision.

My writing is the perfunctory YOUNESS of Me

11401140_957934780893706_6305633941120376158_nMy creative expression is the perfunctory youness of me. However, five years from now, the concept of writing was seated somewhere in my cerebral domain or unconscious region – dumped, discarded, abandoned, or barely recognizable!

I possessed inkling of nothing with any conceivable proximity to writing.

For me, writing barely existed in commercial context or in any other context.

For the writing, I existed as a hopeless, non-docile chap!

Can’t tell for sure which of us (me or writing) first discovered each other.

To the best of my recollection, it was the miraculous 2010 that laid foundation of our lexical courtship. But it was the love solely based on conditional pacts – to be sincere, devoted, dedicated, persistent, and loyal, not to each other, but to her (writing) only.

Though hand-around was permitted as she was the natural dweller in virtually everything and in every form I encountered. From the vast realm of technologies to an array of spectacular domains, I met writing manifested or symbolized in countless spectrums. I loved virtually every spectrum of her. For those unhindered or unexplored, there’s no hurry at all, as I’ll buy time for them.

My association or rather courtship with writing has completed five years now, with firm determination to continue this for couple of years down the line.

These five years…the “improved better than before” perfunctory youness of me now explicitly demonstrates reflection of her. EVERYWHERE!

She’s in my thought, she dwells in my reverie, she makes forcible entry into my sleep, she is the evil necessity at my work place, she walks with me around the park during morning stroll. She understands me like a doting wife.

This obsessive attachment with her grows denser with each little effort of mine. She hates destructive procrastination. She can’t approve the part of my personality favoring (even on mild spur) evasion. She immediately whispers to me not to follow indolence whenever that feel tries to get over me.

Why does she do all these things with me?

Because she cares. But she also understands that her being with me depends largely on my devotion and staunch regard for her. Doesn’t it sound like a key essential to survival of marital attachment? What do you make out of this?

In cognitive resonance with intelligence

cognitive intelligence

My cognitive resonance lies with the belief, that intelligence can also be developed through long-continued and dedicated academic pursuit. We must extend outright denial to the assumption laying the groundwork for this rather esoteric doctrine, advocating cognitive intelligence as autoimmune response of an advanced cerebral system, something typifying extraordinary ‘hereditary’ biological gifts (miracle).

I concede to this stereotypical precept, that intelligence honed/improved from the empirical insight of the erudite and learned while allowing oneself to tap on the resources available around, manifests cerebral improvement in relatively elevated scale.

Here, hereditary intelligence is of secondary importance. I concur, extraordinary compass of an elevated cognitive intelligence that most of us subjectively believe to be of childhood prodigy, is actually the reward of artificial way of practice through academic means supported by cutting-edge technology in an instructive environment.

These means factor perfect incubation of cognitive intelligence in kids, if you ask me.

For our posterity’s sake in terms of their better societal scenario than us, give today’s kids the quality education that is CREATIVE in its entirety. Give them the academic scenario conducive to their mind to stir creative thinking and devise unique solution to foster societal prosperity and worldwide peace.

Nothing’s as powerful as creative, quality education!

I’d disapprove to any doctrine escorting the belief that hereditary intelligence is the gift of divine, and therefore it can’t be acquired through otherwise academic pursuit in this materialistic world. Agreed, divine gift stands unquestionable, yet intelligence, in this context, can’t be victimised and confined to its own fate just because a doctrine asserts this otherwise.

Instead, the creative way must be sought to develop this in the mind of those kids with willingness to do more for their society and world. For sure, to evince better tomorrow, we must ensure betterment of today’s children. Creative education is their right that we must provide them. Also, we must forsake this doctrine towards cognitive intelligence as divine gift. Through right education in creative instructive environment, kids without the divine gift in their possession, can acquire the privilege of improved cognitive intelligence.